Storm clouds lifting over Seiad Valley, California
Storm clouds lifting over Seiad Valley, California
One surprising thing this year was how much I would miss my life and hiking partner, Rainmaker. Even though he was joining me in 11 weeks, it seemed like a long time. In the past, we had definite morning and evening camp rituals. So this year, as a coping technique, I started hiking earlier, sometimes at sunrise, and then hiked until dark, thus avoiding the loneliness that came with too much camp time alone.
Also, as a soloist, there were days when I would meet no one, or perhaps just a few day hikers. This can be very challenging mentally, when one scans the trail for miles upon miles in the desert, or a mountain top, and not a body may be seen. You know you are on your own completely, mistakes and triumphs alike.
I define a soloist as one who has all her own gear, and her own itinerary and agenda. Many people are soloists, and hike on and off with others, usually "leap frogging" and perhaps camping near someone at night. Still, soloists have their own maps, guide books and gear. One may need to get out to a different town than other hikers. That can be a problem or a relief, depending on the company. Sometimes there would be a change of plans to hike a bit farther in order to stay with people I was seeing daily. That can cause exhaustion to set in. At that point, the startling realization that I had quit determining my hike caused me to stop, sit down, and analyze what was making me so unhappy. It hit me that someone else was setting my goals, and I went along, to avoid being alone. What is to be afraid of? I realized it was the loneliness at night, perhaps in a wilderness setting. The only light from the stars, moon, or my photon light to brighten the blackness.
The loneliness factor is something that must be reckoned with if one choses to solo a long trail.
I learned that the same compulsions we have in the world are the same ones we bring out here.
There is an overachiever compulsion. Big miles, finishing first. Finishing ahead. Might as well get it done, and get it over.
There is a Materialist Compulsion. My gear is better than yours. Its new, and brand name. As one friend put it,"We are still competing out here, we just have less to do it with."
There is the Lay On Some Guilt Compulsion. It was very annoying when someone pulled this on another. "Are you having fun?" well, why not? "How do you manage to get this much time off to just go hiking?"
Finally I realized to just be myself, that no explanations or excuses are needed for however many miles. The gear (almost all of which I designed and made, was either second hand or Wal-Mart) was certainly not worth much. The market price on it couldn't correctly convey what it meant to me.
Whatever was happening at a personal level was nothing to have guilt about. The experiences were unique, influenced by the past, contributing to the future. In the end, we answer to no one but the most unforgiving; ourselves.
The things most important were honesty, self sufficency, and alertness. I didn't want to miss anything, not out of fear, laziness, or as a result of someone else's agenda.
Woman are much more prone to traps of a sexual nature. A nice guy, seeming to respect you, giving you space, bides his time until he can get you dependent on him. Never allow yourself to be without your own shelter (tarp or tent), guide book, compass and map. Arm yourself with the sure knowledge of how to use them. If you are sharing a tent, make sure you carry something you could use alone, should the need arise. The fly, or ground sheet can make a handy tarp shelter, with a few guy lines. The PCT is no place to get lost, or be dependent. With the waterless stretches as long as 30 miles, you can't afford to be wandering around.
Some say always have a spare meal, but most of us can go a few days without eating, and be okay. Bring enough water capacity, and stay in charge of how much you will carry. Don't believe every estimation of miles or water sources. Be in charge of your information.
Sometimes I was criticized by a male for how I treated my blisters, skin, or gear. Then, the thought struck me that I have been treating this body for over 25 years, and he just met me. How could he have more knowledge than I do about me?
If needed, you can hike away from demanding people, but more likely you may have to stealth camp until they pass. Going into a town, without stating your intentions can also help to "ditch" an overwhelming male or female.
The longer I hiked, the more confidence I gained. That seems normal for anyone. Its hard not to get into town, looking totally trashed, and not even care. There's a certain swagger. Plus, being proud of the solo status, I really had to be cautious not to mention that to folks. Women are always warned of the folly of saying they are alone, but heavens it feels good knowing you are solo, and making it just fine. Even thriving! I refuse to wear a ring under pretenses that I am married and have a man looking out for me. Just goes against the grain, now more than ever.
The PCT is safer for women in certain respects. The remoteness of the trail keeps persons of bad intent away, or only near road access.
Re-entry is a term long distance hikers apply to resuming their lives in the "civilized" world. It is indeed a re-entry of sorts. No longer can one determine their own schedule. Waiting in lines, being put on hold (phones), suffering through endless TV commercials, idling in traffic jams, all just seem to wear on the nerves. Not sure why that is.
Strangers and multi-sensory stimuli abound, all conflicting and sending far too many messages to the brain to process. In the past months this much input would have required focus and intense alertness, not possible in this modern society of constant bombardment of the senses. End result is it seems to bring confusion, and simple tasks not done in 5 - 6 months, are not as simple as they once were. That is just my personal analysis of the present re-entry situation.
All this waiting, and stimuli bring exhaustion as one strives to remember the etiquette necessary in todays world, an etiquette formulated for dealing with things one would rather avoid, but can't. Probably there is also true physical exhaustion. Hair and nails are dry and brittle, muscles and tendons have achiness never experienced before. Probably a normal reaction to nearly 2,000 miles these last months.
I noticed that impatience, confusion and exhaustion form the short word "ice". With that in mind, it makes me think "chill" as in just chill out, and relax. Plan another long hike. Make time for solitude, and plan no large engagements. This too shall pass, this re-entry.
If you have hiked a long trail, and would like to share the things you have learned with other women, please e-mail me. I would love hearing from you.
The Appalachian Trail, unlike the Pacific Crest Trail and Continental Divide Trail, is quite accessible along every section of it. Even though the wilderness in Maine used to be considered remote, with new development, road access is available every twenty miles or so. The end result is there are many more people on the trail, not all of them long distance hikers. Not all of them with only hiking in mind. Most are wonderful folks, but I learned caution is always the wiser path. It was hard to find a place to change clothes, other than a shelter or privy. Finding the privacy to pee or dig a cat-hole is much harder in early spring in Georgia, than in Maine in August.
Sometimes a soloist just wants to talk to someone. There would be days on end I would pass no northbounding long-distance hikers, and would only see them at night as they pulled into the shelter. This meant that I had only contact with day hikers, southbounders and Scout groups until evening. Inadvertently I once chatted away with some old men, trail maintainers out for a stroll. They were pleased and amazed to have met a woman thru-hiker. They said good-bye, drove up north and continued hiking. I started meeting other south-bounding day hikers. Surprisingly they knew all about me, even my goal for the evening. I realized I had disclosed way too much information to old guys who were now giving it out to everyone they met. Not safe.
One man told me as we hiked together that he was on disability for manic depression. Once I crossed paths with a guy yelling angrily into the vast unknown. He was alone. One guy did nothing but complain about the bad trail conditions. It’s these kind of guys I hike away from, politely, but without stopping. They draw too much energy from you, in caution, worry, and negativity.
Some shelters are built within a mile of road access. These shelters, especially on weekends can be dangerous if one is alone. If I ever felt unsure about a place I hiked further. The farther from the road, the better. It is much harder to haul a case of beer two miles up a hill.
Sometimes emotions would surface without reason. Things looked bleak, boring, wrong and depressing. Going over every detail, trying to figure out why I felt so miserable, a pattern finally became apparent. About 2 days before my period I would feel like this, hopeless, and tired. The symptoms would last as long as two days after my period was over. Once I recognized that pattern (took me a couple cycles) I was able to deal with it more effectively. I know there are many women who stop having their menses while on a long hike, either naturally or chemically induced. I am a healthy middle-aged naturalist, and chose to let my body adapt. Which means that although I have spent 5 months each of the last two years on the trail, I still got my periods every month. It didn’t matter how much weight I lost (about 10 pounds at one point), how many long days or miles I did (averaging 20 miles a day, or putting in over 30 mile days on a regular basis, for over a month).
Once I recognized the emotional ambush coming, I tried to offset it. It didn’t always work so well, but bottom line is I finished my thru-hike. Primarily I learned to treat myself to a good meal, even though expensive, in town. I reminded myself how far I had come. Especially with this in mind, I would aim to be at a place that would give me a psychological boost, hiking the miles necessary to be crossing into another state, heading into a town, or reaching some milestone. At times, I would just hike alone, and allow myself the luxury of a good cry for no reason at all. Being solo, I didn’t have to explain it to anyone, and couldn’t if I wanted to.
Then, there were times someone would just make me angry with some uninformed, biased, sexist comment. Rainmaker taught me to try to get past that, leave it be, or else I have allowed that person to mess up my day. One day meeting some older guys on the trail, they kept asking me if I knew how long the trail was, and that it would take me clear to October to finish. There are guys who try to teach women hikers where they should get their water, where they should hang their packs, what they should eat and what they should wear. This really irritates me, because I know they don’t do this to male hikers.
There are women day hikers that presume you are with someone, and assure you not to worry, that he is waiting for you.
Too often we unconsciously accept those limitations, thinking we can’t hike far in a day, or carry the food we need. Many times I just had to remind myself that although hikers are telling me it can’t be done, that I have done it before, and can do it again.
I learned to stand up for myself, argue when necessary, but mostly in the face of confrontation do just exactly what I planned, and let the others do their thing. No talk is required, just action.
Many times women are taught to pacify, and avoid making others angry. For a while, it seemed my hike was reaction based. I was reacting to another’s itinerary instead of “hiking my own hike”. Sometimes it has to be that way, just for safety’s sake. But it shouldn’t be that way because of loneliness or fear. After Waynesboro, I never took a zero day (until I took some at home from North Adams, Mass.) because they bored me. I knew I would find new friends on the trail, while leaving others behind in town. Sometimes it was really hard leaving town alone, and hiking out, not knowing what or who lay ahead.
I think it’s very empowering to press preconceived limits, and find they dissolve like fog on a sunny day. You find you are strong, and self-sufficient.
A lot of porcupine supposedly inhabit the northeast of the AT. I never saw one, although their knawings on shelters were evident. Rats seemed to leave me alone, as well as mice and chipmunks dwelling in shelters.
Dogs are of more concern to me, and I learned to chat with them on a friendly basis, and ask their owners to hold them when I passed. I don't like being sniffed by dogs, and I thanked owners who respected my preference in this matter.
My final conclusion is that this was a terrific trail, a bit tame at times, but a remarkable experience. Re-entry is not nearly as dramatic as the PCT was, because on the AT I never was that far from society. Many of society's ills, pitfalls and problems were brought out on the trail, along with the heavy packs most people carried. On the PCT, no one was concerned about getting haircuts, going into town to see the latest movie or otherwise having a constant interaction with our society. On the AT, this seemed to be a common occurence.
In July and August of 2004, Rainmaker and I hiked from the Canadian Border to Townsend, Montana. This took us through Glacier National Park, the Bob Marshall Wilderness, the Scapegoat Wilderness, and Helena National Forest. Many Grizzlies roam that area, so this was a new experience for me. We decided to each bring a bear cannister, so I called the ranger station out there to ask them which ones were approved. The Garcia was accepted by all. At 2 pounds 11 ounces, this black plastic cannister was a heavy item, not compactable, or forgiving in an ultralight backpack. So,I stripped down my external frame pack, and made a silnylon pack to bolt onto it instead. I was able to fit 8 days of food in the cannister buy eating alot of oatmeal, gorp, and hard candy.
By using this frame pack, I could haul whatever weight was necessary, and I soon cut a small closed cell pad to cushion its impact on my back. This small pad came in handy for lunch breaks. I found out it also made a great foot insulator when placed inside my sleeping bag at night in the foot area. It gets quite cold that far north, even in the middle of summer.
I got my period while on the trail, which wasn't an issue. I was careful with all the waste products this generates, and packed it out instead of burying anything. I double bagged everything, and kept this small package in the bear cannister. I used rubbing alcohol to keep smells down. Never use scented products, of any kind, in griz country.
Sunscreen is important from early morning on, especially the neck and exposed chest.
We never cooked in camp. Ususally early mornings, David would cook outside camp, returning when he finished. Then I would pack up while eating a poptart, because the early morning was too cold to bother cooking. Remember, we could not cook while sitting in a sleeping bag.
The climbs were hot and I learned to cool off with snow melt, streams, and use ibroprphen to head off impending headaches from heat or elevation gain.
We tied our pot lids to the straps of the hiking poles so that a significant noise was made every time we hiked. It was too tiresome to sing songs, talk and converse while climbing mountains. Amazingly, those hikers we met using "bear bells" could not even be heard until nearly face to face. Take care to make enough noise so you don't suprise a bear, black or griz, coming around a corner, near flowing streams, or waterfalls.
Hope these notes help you in planning your next adventure.
Check out How to pack a bear cannister if you're heading out with one. I give a food list, calories and basic nutritional information, and how to pack (and unpack nightly) it so 7 days of food for a average size woman will fit in one.
If you have anything you would like to add to this subject, have questions or comments, please e-mail me.
Brawny
September 28, 2004
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